If I have a bad memory I clench up and fantasize about hurting myself, what is this?

If I have a bad memory it feels like my body is week and injured as if I was zapped with a taser or punched in the chest, and I have to imagine killing myself until the pain goes away, and sometimes I involuntarily talk to myself during the memory about killing myself. Is this normal for bipolar or borderline personality or is this PTSD?